


Borrowing is Subjective

by haisai_andagii



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU - Comicverse, Superman (Comics), Superman/Batman (Comics)
Genre: Bruce Wayne Has Serious Issues, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-25
Updated: 2013-03-25
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:57:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haisai_andagii/pseuds/haisai_andagii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ma and Pa Kent go missing.  Clark and Conner search desperately to find them.  Bruce, oddly enough, is no help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Borrowing is Subjective

Clark tapped his pen against the rim of his glasses as Perry lectured the staff about their on-going governmental budgetary battles.  It was then, somewhere between Lois voicing her anger over the reduction Native Healthcare Assistance and Olsen lamenting cuts to public school arts programs, that he heard a faint, desperate cry.  At first, Clark had reluctantly willed himself to ignore it.  There he was no way he could escape and it was Kara and Karen's patrol day.  He had faith the ladies in his life could handle anything

But then the cry became an all-out shout. Someone was calling him by every name he had ever had - Earthly, Kryptonian and otherwise.

It was someone he knew and knew well:  Conner!

  
A cold sweat broke out across his furrowed brow, as Clark rifled through his coat pockets for his cell phone.  When he finally found it, he quickly sent a text to his wife, who has been simmering darkly next to him, as Kat Grant launched into her tirade on the need for cutbacks.  Her phone buzzed and Lois snatched it up.

  
_Need to leave.  Kon might be in trouble.  Needs help._

 

With a firm nod, Lois surreptitiously tipped her tepid coffee into his lap with her pen causing Clark to shoot up from his seat with a yelp.

"God, you are so clumsy!" she scolded with a cheeky wink.  "Get it together, Smallville!"

"Looks like you peed yourself," Lombardi chuckled through a mouthful of doughnut holes. 

"I'll just go... f-freshen up," Clark said sheepishly as he dashed from the conference room.  He raced down the hall and ducked into the nearest empty office, stuffing his clothes in an empty filing cabinet before shooting out from the window.  Superman pushed on and upward - towers of grey concrete and steel gave way to golden fields of corn and wheat.  As his childhood home came into view, he spotted Kon and his dog flying in furious, frantic circles above the bright red barn.

"Kon, are you are alright?" he called as he grew close.

"MA AND PA ARE MISSING!" the boy cried as he launched himself into Kal's open arms.

"Tell me what happened," he urged, leading Kon to the ground by his shoulders.  Krypto whined pitifully at his feet.  Kon swallowed hard and struggled to met Kal's gaze.

"Well, it started yesterday," he began slowly:

~~~

  _Kon weaved through the makeshift mountains of suitcases across their living room._

_"Are you sure you have enough stuff, Ma?" he teased as he hopped over a pair of legs sticking out from the hall closet._

_"I can't believe we won another cruise!" Martha exclaimed excitedly as she rooted about in search of her favorite sunhat. "Do you remember the last one we took?"_

_"Yes, yes," replied Pa as he bounded down the stairs, carrying even more luggage in his wizened hands.  "Ninja terrorists on the Caribbean... Who could ever forget a trip like that?!"_

_A week ago, the Kents received two tickets for an all-expense-paid trip to Martinique; complete with a round-trip flight, snorkeling and All-You-Can-Eat Gourmet Buffet._

_"The sun, the sea and the sand," sighed Martha.  "And maybe we'll see Conner's little friend again!" She playfully pinched the boy's cheeks as he passed by with an armful of suitcases._

_"I don't think Bats will like that, Ma," Kon chuckled.  "I'm still not allowed in Gotham without adult supervision."_

_They filed out onto the porch just as a shiny black limousine came up the dust roadway.  The driver, a harried-looking man, scurried out to help Kon load the luggage into the trunk._

_"Now, we left you our itinerary, plenty of money, a fully stocked fridge and a list of numbers in case of emergency," Martha explained._

_"We'll only be gone for two weeks," Pa chimed in.  "Don't forget your chores and your homework. We want to see as many A's as you can muster, young man!  And for the love of God, keep that dog out of the cornfields!"_

_"I'll do my best," Kon said with a smile.  "Call me when you get to Gotham Pier, ok?"  He leaned down to give her a hug and was met with a flurry of kisses.  Pa clasped him shoulders firmly, and with a slight nod climbed in after his wife._

  
_"And no girls!" Martha shouted as they sped away._

~~~

"I just realized this morning that they never called!  Between the mile long chore list and stopping Toyman from running amok during the Tokyo Toy Show, I totally forgot that they were supposed to call," Kon finished mournfully.  Krypto whimpered in sympathy as he pushed his wet-nose into the younger Kryptonian's trembling hand.

"Did you call the company?"

"Of course I called!  And Gotham Cruises and Gotham Piers both said there was never any such contests nor have there been any cruise ships leaving from Gotham for six months! I called the police but they said they couldn't start looking for another day!"

The boy paused, dabbing his eyes against his shirt sleeve.

"Kara, Karen, Krypto and I have been looking everywhere.  I even called Tim to alert the Bat Clan but they were unable to help.  Something about Bruce having them all wrapped up in some operation he's running now..."

"It's ok," Kal said soothingly, though his own heart was beating furiously with worry.  "I will find them."

~~~

"Yeah, I saw them," came Catwoman's silky reply as she cut a hole into the museum's skylight with her claws.  "But that sort of info is going to cost you."  Superman floated soundlessly by her side, glaring at her through the fog coming off of Gotham Bay.  It blanketed the entire city.  The perfect cover for a robbery in broad daylight.

"Selina, you tell me what I need to know or I'll be more than happy to let GCPD know about your little 'shopping spree,'" he said brusquely.

"Fair enough" she replied, tapping her fingers impatiently against the handle of her bullwhip. "Some rich guy has them."

"W-what?  What rich guy?'"

"I was down by pier 38, checking out Falcone's latest shipment of dubiously acquire antiques, when I saw this Bentley pull up to an elderly couple dressed in matching Hawaiian shirts.  They just climbed in and took off."

"With who?"

"It's Gotham!" Catwoman snapped exasperatedly.  "Who in this city has the wealth and resources to lure _your -_ excuse me - _Clark Kent's_ parents to this hell-hole under the guise of a cruise and to whisk them off without the GCPD fishing their quaint little corpses out of the water the next day?"

Kal's eyes went wide:

_Who in this world could hide **anything**  from him and without him knowing?_

  
"He _wouldn't_!" he seethed, his eyes glowing crimson.

  
"Well, _he_ _did_!" Catwoman sneered.  "But don't let him know I told you!"  And with that, Selina threw open the skylight and disappeared into the museum as Superman rocketed away.

~~~

Alfred didn't even blink as a great red and blue blur roared passed the manor, violently rattling its window.  The old butler, who had been gathering some herbs from his garden, stood up and casually brushed the dirt from his smock as Kal descended upon from the heavens like a wrathful god.

"Where are my parents?" Superman growled.

"Inside, having tea," the old man said simply.  He had no issue with betraying his master - especially since he disapproved of this outright, non-Batman related kidnapping. "Shall I show you where?"  Without waiting for a reply, Alfred took up his basket and set off in the direction of the patio.

As they rounded Martha's rose bushes, Superman heard his parents' laughter trickling out through a pair of french doors.  He stalked past the butler, up the stone stairs and wrenched them open.  He could not believe what he was seeing.

"Oh, hello dear!" his mother greeted cheerful as her son stalked into the room with his cape whipping around him.  "Bruce was so kind to let us stay after our cruise was canceled.  Isn't he a treasure?"  

Pa just waved and helped himself to several more biscuits.

"He's absolutely darling," Kal grounded out from behind clenched teeth, glaring daggers at his supposed friend, who sat there looking innocent.  " **Dearest** Bruce, might I have a word with you..."

Bruce excused himself and led Kal away to his office.

"Seat?" he offered as he sat behind his desk.

"I'd rather stand," the Kryptonian muttered darkly. "I thought something horrible happened to them!  How could you?!"

"Easily," Bruce answered with a smirk.  "Besides, you were warned*."

"I didn't think you would actually kidnap my parents!"

"'Kidnapped' is harsh. I simply led them here under false pretenses and took them in."

"Heaven help me," Kal sighed, cupping his face in his hands.  "You are insane..."

"Oh, come on.  They are having such a good time: Jonathan enjoys gardening, Martha enjoys cooking, Alfred enjoys his time off and I enjoy their wonderful company.  I'll make sure they get back safe and sound."

"That's not the point!  This is a huge violation of my trust!  How would you feel if I just snatched up the people you care about?"

"You are more than welcome to them," Bruce replied silkily.  "By all means, take anyone or more of my troublesome brood.  Damian and Tim have been bickering all day; Dick keeps calling me to complain about Barbara; and Stephanie will not shut up about Ryan Gosling. I would be delighted if you were to take them all with you."

It took every ounce of resolve Kal had not to roll his eyes.  As he started to say something, he heard Lois calling for him.  Apparently, Perry had been shouting about her "idiot" husband and where he had gotten off to.

"Three days!" the Kryptonian barked.

"Two weeks."

"One week, Bruce!  One!"

"Fine," the billionaire surrendered, holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "Shall I show you out?"

"Don't bother," Kal snapped.  He stalked over to the nearest window, yanked it out and pointed a menacing finger at his friend.  "Honestly, I should tell Diana on you..."

Bruce's brow twitched at his juvenile but all too real threat.  Diana was still sore at him for the Green Lantern Birthday Debacle of '98 and would have gladly wrung his neck for any reason.

"You do and I'll mention to Lois much we all love her cookies," he replied evenly.

"By Rao, get some help, man," Superman hissed before he hopped out of the window and flew off into the blue sky.

With a satisfied smile, Bruce strode happily from his office to finish his afternoon tea with his guests.


End file.
